smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
