So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
