sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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