literally had 100 drinks last night.
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
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