drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
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