How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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