apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
