i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
