So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
you never un-have a 4some
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
