Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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