i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
