there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
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