you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Randomize
