How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
