Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
