You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
