just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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