you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
