On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Randomize
