just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
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