my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize
