Her vagina should come with caution tape.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
