I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
