i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
