we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize
