Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
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