So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize
