I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize
