I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
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