Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
