these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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