i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
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