I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Randomize
