Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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