my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
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