At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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