I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Randomize
