porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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