Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
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