You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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