So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
