Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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