Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
I want a musical about memes.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
