Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Randomize
