Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Randomize
