I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
