My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
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