it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
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