she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
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