if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
