I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
