I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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